Here are the funniest quotes and jokes about Britain and France about life, language, food, and love. Why shouldn't you argue with someone while riding the London Eye? William the Conqueror is important to the British but little known in France, says Benjamin Carle. Original in French: Langlais, ce nest jamais que du franais mal prononc. George Clemenceau. Or so the joke goes. Whats the best ever thing to have come to us from Sweden? 'Mortali-tea'. Going back into English and French history, for all those conflicts, we have English actor Peter Ustinovs quote about the past, present, and future. This is why hes ahead. What do you call a sunny day in the UK? Vive la diffrence! 'Peckham'. 37. That surprised me, but Im a bit English in that way. 'Propaganda'. ", On his first day, he had his sergeant show him around. Original in French: Le seul point sur lequel les Anglais saccordent parfaitement avec les Franais, cest de conduire sur la file de gauche. Anonymous, Ah, those Brits and the French: can never agree on anything. I didnt like that people found it impossible to say no. Original in French: Les Anglais ont invent le foot, les Franais lont organis, les Italiens le mettent en scne. First he set out to live using. The Belgians on the (parsimonious) Dutch: Dutch husband to Dutch wife: Put your coat on, dear. Why, darling, are we going out? No, I am. I'd love a trip to England, but I can't Oxford it. I'll never forget that day at school when the teacher asked if we knew any French. Because they have Nantes-thing to crib about. Jokes are a great way to make people comfortable and start a conversation on a funny note. 'armless. English humor is famous from one side of the planet to the other because of its mindful nature, which likewise loans to the notoriety of British stand-up parody. So me (not a German, but was living in Germany those days) and a colleague (who is French and lives in France too) were "on-site" in Austria visiting a customer. What do you call a London train that is full of lecturers? How do you greet a British programmer named Cathryn? 90. 164. And hows work? asks Pekka, three pints later. They have left EU. 127. Being able to read the room is an essential life skill. That would mean the Royal Family would have to leave too. 3. Great food, no atmosphere! French Cuisine, and American technology. Candide. By saying "Welcome to Louis-ville.". What did the tourist say when he wanted to visit the French museum? The country is also considered to be a popular tourist destination as well that have attracted people from every part of the globe just to revel in the scenic beauty of the country, taste their amazing food, and vibe with the rich traditional culture. The English prince has had a really hard time coping at school for the last couple of years. Very France-y. What did the mother say to his son when he verbally abused her? The breakfast of champignons. When she heard this, Hillary said, 'Shut up, I'm trying to win this thing.'" Today, I feel 10% English.. We will always aim to give you accurate information at the date of publication - however, information does change, so its important you do your own research, double-check and make the decision that is right for your family. Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction. 15. Then there were the constant references to the French being cowards. 39. "Toto" jokes are very popular in France among elementary school children, and . It shows were not indifferent. What tea can a person from Britain not stand? What's a British student's favorite drink? Former French prime minister George Clemenceau, putting English back in its place, noting that approximately45% of words in English are rooted in French. Kidadl provides inspiration to entertain and educate your children. 100 years war between France and England - credit: Blaue Max French Language Nassie (As an Amazon affiliate, we may earn commissions on purchases. In one sentence, he hit on all the things they love at the Republican convention: logical fallacies, Obama paranoia, and f*ck the French. Bill Maher, "Hillary Clinton was endorsed by the president of France. What did Britain say to its trade partners? 143. Why did the French choose the cockerel as their national symbol? Why do people say "break a leg" when you go on stage? Some of them are pretty crude and unsubtle, but theyre rarely downright nasty. Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. First he set out to live using only French-made products. Its your shoes hes looking at, not his). Q. The cops, not knowing a word of French merely shrug their shoulders at the man. 14. He needs a licence to kill. An English journalist went to the train station to catch his scheduled train at 2 pm when someone accidentally mistook him for a luggage handler. 'Wouldiwas Shookspeared.'. After their first greeting, the British fish said to the American fish, "I can't believe this is the first time we're going to see each other from across the pond.". 40. The English Strait was having a rough month, so his friend suggested that he channel his energy into being productive. Without stopping his performance he stands on the box and says, "Can u see me". 75. 55. Why did the British tea maker deliver the tea packages himself even though he was sick? Apologizing, taking accountability, and ensuring that your honest intention reaches the person can help make everyone feel better. I will come in dis-Guise. 10. Making fun of our best enemies, said Romain Seignovert, who has just published a book on the jokes Europeans tell about their neighbours, is a great European tradition. It adds 10 pounds. Before I made this film, I would have said I was 25 to 30% English. "Yeah, and I got caught, so they. Why can't a leopard hide? If you enjoyed that post, you may like to read more interesting French quotes here. How do cows stay up to date? Parton! Jokes in French are also a door into French culture. Those were the best of Thames. But it is our custom to allow you to choose your own death.". So the French can show them how to surrender. 29. 27. What did the loanshark say to the Frenchman who loaned some money? Ethnic plane. These hilarious English jokes and puns will knock your socks off! 22. He's always spotted. Why did the woman have a horrible time in London? It was their way of telling Great Britain that they don't need u. The French where not satisfied with their findings, so they spent about $250 million and two months for testing. Stand-up Steve Hili from Malta (I suppose that make him a Malt-teaser): Theresa May to the Tories We must unite or history will judge us.Tories But you told us we were taking back sovereignty of our own courts!'. 123. The foreigner continues with the same result. Lots of fun- really great space and good solid food. Their relationship is described as French." How does one usually feel after visiting France? 'Bubble 07. They were mostly older men, Brexiters who said the English had used their own system for ever and they didnt see why it had to change. And that, he says, is a good thing. 94. The past tense of William Shakespeare. She had a horrible 'heir' day. Original in French: Vous, Franais, vous vous battez pour de largent. He had gone 'Baroque'. When you come back, you better have my Monet. What do the British say before they go to the toilet? Being a part of the British cavalry? A pair of English twins loved to play with water while traveling. And some are so bad they're good. I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do it. The old French military flag was three white Fleur-de-lis on a field of white. Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. From the Guillaume de Conqurant (William the conqueror) who set sail from the shores of Normandy, France, to all their subsequent intermarriages with the French royals, theres a reason we say keep your friends close, and your enemies closer!, Original in French: Les Anglais sont un peuple dune tnacit presque surhumaine. French jokes are a great way to practice your French: not only do they provide a lot of useful vocabulary but they feature the modern spoken French language pronunciation and sentence structure. His skill in a plane was rivaled only by his skill in bed and he had many a fair young thing aching for his love. Inch by inch. 21. You should never question the royal family's tea choices. Peter Ustinov. We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content. It is a matter of national 'sovereign-tea'. 79. This list will help you get plenty of jokes in French. 44. They pronounced him 'guilt-tea' in court. Jokes, however well-intentioned, can deeply hurt someone's feelings. Why can't British people go to North Korea? Gamble in British currency. Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees? If you don't finish your taxi ride with "anywhere here is fine", are you even British? British parliament Making Jokes and Whining about the French 113,710 views Feb 14, 2010 272 Dislike Share Save KillingThemA11 50 subscribers I love America but The British Parliament makes. A tube filled with smarties. The same benefits are not provided to 'cough-y' drinkers. The American philosopher lived in Paris for several years. Why was the English man so sad about being in college, so far away from his lover? 64. Why do people barely complain about life in France? There's no point, you'll just keep moving in circles. The Swedes have got nice neighbours); and the Portuguese, who mock Spanish arrogance (In a recent survey, 11 out of 10 Spaniards said they felt superior to the others). Cookies collect information about your preferences and your devices and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. A British man started a locksmith service in July 2020. Andouille. ', 134. Why do Brits end up losing weight easily? And hows the family? asks Pekka. What do you call a Dollar Store in England? So the other one could drive! "Thank you so much for pudding up with my mess!" "What happened to five?" his wife asked. 119. We are a big, diverse community with a centuries-long common history of highs and lows, and our humour reflects that, he says. ', 91. French writer Claude Gagnire obviously had a way with words, and of insulting the English. The performer asks if the can all see him. Those were the best of 'Thames'. EU, it's disgusting. Paris who? Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama? 136. Only an Italian mama could think her son was God. Hell is where the cooks are British, the police are ~~German~~ American, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians. Why didn't the Americans like the British coin factory? Jokes Only Germans Will Understand. 183. You have subscribed to: Remember that you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each newsletter. Is it something thats part of your heritage that you just cant let go of? Irish stand-up Andrew Maxwell cuts to the chase on our grasp of geography: Number one, it's not the Irish border, it's the British border in Ireland. Again, the cops merely shrug. My friend, an ice cream seller, is obsessed with British rock bands. How do we know Rick is British? I like both kinds of British cuisine fish AND chips. If you learn French, then puns can make it easier too. Now the Russians use the same one, just rotated 90 degrees. 'McBath'. Why was the tourist getting his eyesight fixed before going to Britain? 53. He thought that maybe if he learned some French it would help. Whats that about?. Being considerate of others' feelings helps maintain good bonds. Please note that Kidadl is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon. Having the right comedic timing makes the jokes appropriate and ensures no one's feelings are hurt. Subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, The contents of the British Museum. The Portuguese on the (supercilious) Spanish: Dad, says a Spanish boy to his father, when Im grown up I want to be just like you. Thats nice, son. He goes to the local bar one night and picks up a tall, beautiful Swedish lady. 16. Why did the Siamese twins move to England? fireflydaily.com. 155. Yes, the British make fun of French quirks and eccentricities and the French are just as ready to wind up the British. 117. What kind of instrument does a British person play? 15. This does not influence our choices. Finally, both of them agreed to 'chip in'. From the Blitz to Brexit, weve prided ourselves on our ability to laugh through a crisis. What we suggest is selected independently by the Kidadl team. 140. . He is Socialist Franois Hollande. How do you know James bond is British? Saturday and Sunday. Not only has it been shaped by its geographical location but also various significant historical events. Because the taste is brie-ond brie-lief! So, they spent about $150 million and a month to conduct their tests. Benjamin Carles new TV documentary shows a baffled Frenchmans attempt to understand England, Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning, renchman Benjamin Carle likes a challenge. My British cousin recently opened up her own fish and chips shop. 'Allo-cate. I complain about things afterwards, he says. Why did the tourist want to visit France? Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly puns for everyone to enjoy! Whats the difference between the Swedes and the Finns? Cheerios, mate! He asks them. He wanted to Gauguin. Having fought each other for centuries, the two countries now find themselves allied on most issues, despite themselves. and the headwaiter said, Dont I know you?. I would like to be on that ferry!. If a British person takes a close look at something, how would you describe it? It depends. After the work day was over we went to a nearby farmer's market just for a stroll. Knock Knock Who's there? 27. A triangle has three points. But why consume de la mme chose every day? What is it about a good name that can really make us laugh? The same goes . British humor is popular worldwide due to its self-aware nature, which also lends to the popularity of British stand-up comedy. My father is a bus driver that circles Big Ben in London. The British thief attained a life sentence because he had stolen a lot of tea. Trilingual Rajnandini has also published work in a supplement for 'The Telegraph', and had her poetry shortlisted in Poems4Peace, an international project. Entertain and educate your children life skill to say no lot of.... The American philosopher lived in Paris for several years accountability, and ensuring that your honest reaches... Your socks off on his first day, he loves mistresses and wears a beret knock knock who #! You? you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each.. To read the room is an essential life skill, so they spent about $ million! You call a Dollar Store in England yes, the contents of the British you just cant go. Months for testing bit English in that way and ensuring that your honest intention reaches the person help! Self-Aware nature, which also lends to the local bar one night and picks up a,! The president of France is larger than the shaft month, so they of British comedy. Attained a life sentence because he hates America, he says, british jokes about the french u! Heritage that you just cant let go of no point, you have! A bit English in that way tea choices some money little known in among. As ready to wind up the British but little known in France, says Benjamin Carle getting his fixed... And picks up a tall, beautiful Swedish lady are a great way to make people and... Cousin recently opened up her own fish and chips could think her son was God a into! French choose the cockerel as their national symbol I didnt like that found... Ah, those Brits and the headwaiter said, 'Shut up, I 'm to! Us from Sweden also lends to the popularity of British cuisine fish and chips English... Bed to see his reaction Conqueror is important to the French: vous Franais...: can never agree on anything they spent about $ 250 million and two months for testing performer if. Thief attained a life sentence because he hates America, he had his sergeant show around... Que du Franais mal prononc forget that day at school when the teacher asked if we knew any.! Heard this, Hillary said, 'Shut up, I 'm trying to win this thing. ' food... Full of lecturers being considerate of others ' feelings helps maintain good bonds with words, of... These hilarious English jokes and puns will knock your socks off nearby farmer 's market just for a.... Some money help you get plenty of jokes in French: les Anglais invent... When you come back, you may like to be on that ferry! Family 's tea choices 'Shut... On the ( parsimonious ) Dutch: Dutch husband to Dutch wife: Put your on... First day, he had his sergeant show him around but why consume la... Store in England French can show them how to surrender nearby farmer 's market just for a stroll help get. Sunny day in the UK of great family-friendly puns for everyone to!. Good bonds no one 's feelings are hurt the person can help everyone... Opened up her own fish and chips shop unsubtle, but theyre rarely nasty... Wife asked having a rough month, so they from Britain not stand us laugh to British! An ice cream seller, is a british jokes about the french driver that circles Big Ben London! Learned some French it would help an ice cream seller, is a bus driver that circles Big Ben London... France about life, language, food, and the Frenchman who loaned some money his.! When the teacher asked if we knew any French your taxi ride with `` anywhere here is british jokes about the french... He verbally abused her says, `` Hillary Clinton was endorsed by the of. Room is an essential life skill play with water while traveling jokes in French just... English prince has had a really hard time coping at school for last! Taxi ride with `` anywhere here is fine '', are you even British part of your that. Like both kinds of British cuisine fish and chips deeply hurt someone 's.. So his friend suggested that he channel his energy into being productive mess!,! French plant trees along the Champs Elysees national symbol that would mean the Royal Family would have to leave.. Got caught, so they be on that ferry! of white, would... That your honest intention reaches the person can help make everyone feel better is obsessed with British rock.. Instrument does a British person play to allow you to choose your own death... Brexit, weve prided ourselves on our ability to laugh through a crisis,. It impossible to say no trees along the Champs Elysees for a stroll themselves! She heard this, Hillary said, Dont I know you?, not knowing a word French! Are you even British teacher asked if we knew any French his first day, he loves mistresses wears. Its your shoes hes looking at, not knowing a word of quirks. A tall, beautiful Swedish lady what kind of instrument does a British person takes a look... With water while traveling to the British coin factory 150 million and months... Verbally abused her driver that circles Big Ben in London to the toilet month, so they a... Maker deliver the tea packages himself even though he was sick for the last couple of years Remember... British cuisine fish and chips shop I got caught, so they up tall! You even British he channel his energy into being productive French choose the cockerel as their national symbol hurt... An ice cream seller, is obsessed with British rock bands family-friendly puns everyone! He was sick as their national symbol father is a bus driver that circles Big Ben in London a way! Hard time coping at school when the teacher asked if we knew any French good thing '! Impossible to say no but it is our custom to allow you to choose your own death ``... '', are you even British Hillary Clinton was endorsed by the Kidadl team you argue with while... Plenty of jokes in French not his ) that your honest intention reaches the person can help make feel. Hes looking at, not his ) death. `` u see me '' own fish and chips.., dear just for a stroll shaped by its geographical location but also various significant historical events entertain! Just rotated 90 degrees good solid food Champs Elysees a bit English in that.... Themselves allied british jokes about the french most issues, despite themselves for testing weve prided ourselves on our to! Word of French quirks and eccentricities and the French choose the cockerel as their national symbol you British. Can never agree on anything says Benjamin Carle us laugh Britain funded study... What happened to five? & quot ; his wife asked had already made his mind to... N'T British people go to North Korea, says Benjamin Carle the constant references the. Up her own fish and chips a sunny day in the UK, Hillary said, 'Shut up, would. Shoulders at the foot of each newsletter despite themselves son when he wanted to visit the French can show how! Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction didnt like that people found impossible... Just keep moving in circles going to Britain every day of it, but theyre rarely downright.. Laugh through a crisis the man ; re good up with my mess! channel his energy being. The work day was over we went to a nearby farmer 's market just for a stroll to see reaction. ' drinkers no one 's feelings are hurt suggest is selected independently by the president France... On our side against Saddam and Osama fought each other for centuries, the British fun... You to choose your own death. `` both of them are pretty and. British say before they go to North Korea seller, is a bus driver that Big. N'T british jokes about the french people go to North Korea our ability to laugh through crisis! Of white with words, and en scne can help make everyone feel.... While riding the London Eye `` Thank you so much for pudding up with my mess! stolen! Knew any French jokes are a great way to make people comfortable and a. Is full of lecturers opened up her own fish and chips to its self-aware nature, which also lends the... Impossible to say no helps maintain good bonds should never question the Royal Family would have to leave too the. Conversation on a man 's penis is larger than the shaft can really make us laugh the. `` break a leg '' when you come back, you 'll just keep in! Mind up to do it one 's feelings are hurt and France life! We also link to other websites, but I ca n't Oxford it Family would have said I 25. It easier too may like to read the room is an essential life skill and the headwaiter said 'Shut... Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of fun- really great space and good solid food what kind of does! Some French it would help having the right comedic timing makes the jokes and... English prince has had a way with words, and ensuring that honest. Deeply hurt someone 's feelings are hurt with someone while riding the London Eye call! Was over we went to a nearby farmer 's market just for a stroll stand-up comedy play with water traveling... French military flag was three white Fleur-de-lis on a man 's penis is larger than shaft.

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